Wednesday, 16 March 2016

floating



In my mind, I am floating down a river, bobbing up and down, sometimes underwater, other times not, sometimes fast, sometimes not. At the moment my river is flowing fast, and I can see rapids in the distance. I do sure hope I can hold onto a boulder in the river before going over the rapids. No doubt I am not the first one to compare life to a river and it is not something that I often worry about. Life is just like that. At the moment though I seem to spend a lot of time floating on my back, gazing at the passing clouds, being (blissfully?) oblivious to what goes on around me. Sometimes entire days go by and I can't actually say what I have done in any detail. Suddenly it is the middle of March when it was only just the beginning. One day blends into the next and the next and the next. My mind is often wandering. At the same time, things get done without a glitch and I am not sure if anyone even notices that I am escaping? Not that there is much to escape from, my life is perfectly ok as far as I can tell.

You may ask yourself why I am pondering over this. Last week I witnessed something that frightened me and that reminded me of the fragility of our minds. It was only a few days that I got the whole picture and it has been on my mind ever since. So, last week, a friend of mine, after our gym class and upon entering the changing room looked around in utter astonishment, having no clue how she got there and what she was doing there. This was really scary to observe, it seemed like she was surfacing after a long sleep. She then seemed to recover, found her locker and got dressed. She even convinced me she was absolutely fine and we parted as we usually do. Except that she wasn't fine. She called her partner and son several times, drove home, ate dinner and what not. She can't remember anything at all, she can't remember leaving the gym class and she can't remember talking to me, or her family, nor can she remember how she got home. It was as if her body and brain were acting independently from each other. She is now undergoing a series of tests and I really hope she is ok. She has not experienced a similar episode since.

I tend to take it for granted that I am functioning ok, that I am fine. But there is a fine line between being absent-minded and between being absent altogether. When do you cross the boundary? I sometimes forget that I have already done something but that is normal, yes? When do you need to really worry that something might be wrong? Would you notice even? I wonder what went on in my friends mind as she carried on with her tasks whilst at the same time, part of her was missing altogether. Maybe it was not like that at all. Maybe it was only later that her brain deleted the evening? It is impossible to say. Have you experienced anything similar?

I am glad I am absent-minded rather than absent but I do sometimes wonder where my memories are. I am writing this blog to capture the ever-changing scenery on the riverbank, so I can look back later and read about details that might otherwise have been forgotten. My mind may be wandering but it is still anchored in reality I'd like to think. I only wish I had captured my life for a much longer time.

Time to surface I think and pay attention to the lecture I am recording and that I will need to edit later. I hope you are having a good week. I don't think I'll be back here until Monday, I am counting down the sleeps to my weekend away in Amsterdam. Cannae wait. x

21 comments:

  1. That is a frightening experience and I can see why it would upset you even though it didn't happen to you. Things like this remind us of our own mortality and that's always a sobering thought. Take special care of yourself for a few days xx

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  2. Things happen in our lives that make us pause and take stock. Such was the experience with your friend. It would certainly make me wonder and question. What happens to us as we grow with age is often frightening but we are a tough bunch of cookies so we get on with life. My best to you. Have a great weekend in Amsterdam.

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  3. I know when I have certain routines at the same time, same day I can go into a time warp. Often I arrive after a journey and think 'how did I get here'. Familiarity can create a certain absence. Quite normal I think. Hope your friend is ok. Love the river comparison :) B x

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  4. What a worrying experience for your friend, can't be easy. Have wonderful time in Amsterdam it really is a great vibrant city to visit.

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  5. That is so scary, it reminds me of a scene in the book Still Alice when she couldn't remember how to get home. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer.
    I'm frequently absent minded, it's the story of my life.

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  6. Hey Christina,
    That must have been very difficult to witness, let alone experience. I have been on anti depressant medication that has sent me into space before now. Whole days have disappeared. I found it terrifying. Now my medication can make me feel disconnected at times, but it's better than not feeling anything at all. Depression does that to me. I drift downstream mostly. Sometimes I furiously doggie paddle. But drifting works for me. Enjoy Amsterdam. I've always wanted to visit.
    Leanne xx

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  7. Gosh, that sounds alarming. I do hope your friend is ok. Your river analogy is a great one and I can identify with that. My blog is also a way of recording events as my memory is sketchy at the best of times and I, too, wish I'd started it years ago. Have a brilliant time in Amsterdam. Sam x

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  8. I like the way you compared the river to life. I'm sure it was a scary thing to experience seeing your dear friend forget. I do hope she can get a answer from her doctors as to why this happened. Have a marvelous time in Amsterdam; I love that city. Pat xx

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  9. Gosh so sorry to hear this about your friend, I do hope that all will be OK for her. Sending good thoughts! Enjoy your time away, I am sure that you will not be absent for any of it. xx

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  10. I really hope your friend is okay. That sounds very scary. I wonder if she had a minor stroke or something like that. I have felt concerned about my mother-in-law for the past year or so; she seems to be becoming more forgetful or absentminded. She is in her 70's, so it seems like a normal progression, but it's difficult to watch all the same. Take care and enjoy, and send my thoughts to your friend.

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  11. Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your friend I sincerely hope she finds out what the issue is & that it can be managed. Slightly off subject but after being brought up by two deeply unhappy parents I made a concious & determined decision many moons back to wake up happy each morning, Sometimes I have to force myself to be happy but should anything happen to me, I'm determined to go happy, even if I can't get everyting completed on my to do list xx

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  12. Years ago a colleague's brother had this same experience. He was travelling on the subway and had no idea where he was. Unfortunately, his was a brain aneurysm, and after a few days in hospital he passed away. It must be frightening for your friend to be suddenly aware that she had had this episode. I do hope everything is OK for her. With my own father (and two others in his family) suffering from dementia, that is in the back of my mind whenever I do something 'silly' ... stopping as I realize I'm putting the milk in the cupboard rather than the fridge. I refuse to panic over this though. Whatever is to be, will be and there's not much I can do to stop it. After going through a wretched time in the past five years I have chosen to live in the moment and not worry about the future.
    Wendy

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  13. I love your analogy of the river . I feel the same so very often. I hope your friend is okay .My biggest fear is being diagnosed with dementia. I'm terrified I will be that sad lady we often see who knows no one and nothing.

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  14. That does sound frightening, it these small moments that make us reflect and think hard about ourselves like you say most of the time we are just floating and all is ok. Enjoy your weekend ;)

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  15. Frightening for you but it must be terrifying for your friend. What are we without our minds and memories.

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  16. how frightening for you and your friend. something similar happened to one of my husbands colleagues, they thought she'd had a mini stroke but in the end it was put down to stress and she's been fine since. hope the tests don't show up anything that can't be remedied, and have a wonderful weekend away x

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  17. Leuk! Enjoy your trip. I would like to go to Amsterdam again for a little longer I just need to convince my husband to take the caravan this time and the dogs. I may be waiting a while. I saw something today about something similar to what happened to your friend and it turned out it was to do with low blood pressure. I hope all is well and she is ok. xx

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  18. I do hope your friend is okay. It must be scary for her but scary for you to witness too. Amsterdam... Oh I am not envious at all!

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  19. That does sound scary - I hope she's ok.. I'm not so sure whether it matters that much if we don't remember things that have passed. I tend to spend rather too much time reflecting on the past when I should be enjoying the present. I hope you enjoy your weekend in Amsterdam. Xx

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  20. How scary for your friend and for you. I hope she is doing much better and that they have found the cause. A friend of mine had similar episodes, then started gobbling up her words and had depression, they found a small tumor in her brain that was removed successfully. Apparently another lovely thing menopausal women are prone to. Let us know how she is.
    Meredith

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  21. What a frightening experience. I sometimes find myself doing something and wonder where the last 10 minutes have gone,mor stand in a room and realise I have forgotten why I came in, but I think these episodes are fairly common when we are busy and our minds are full of a thousand things. The episode with your friend sounds more significant, I do hope she finds out what is wrong, and that help is available. Without compromising her privacy, it would be good to get an update on her progress. I know I will be thinking of her and wondering how she is. X

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Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment, I love to hear from you, I really do. I sometimes reply by email but I am not all that reliable... Christina xx