it is not always easy

It is not always easy to be in a positive frame of mind. At the moment I feel like running away and hide for a wee while. Or maybe a long while. Running away is of course not an option, my schedule won't allow it but dreaming is allowed, yes?

There isn't anything in particular that is bugging me, bits here and there add substance to a black cloud that threatens to burst and release negative energy.

Take the dog for example. I got out of the shower the other day to find a big poo in our bedroom. On closer inspection, there were two piles. Richard stepped in one. I am glad it wasn't me. Then I noticed that Jack had also peed on my jeans. That'll teach me to fold my clothes neatly and put them away rather than dumping them on the floor. The dog of course couldn't help himself, he was locked in and desperate to go out. On that day, I ate all the chocolates in my advent calendar.

Then I got annoyed with myself because I had put down an incomplete phone number on the party invites for Alistair's Birthday bash.... I was wondering why nobody RSVPed. Of course I didn't note down all the names of children we had invited and Alistair couldn't remember who he had added to his final list. We are talking about 10 children, not 100! I think between us we managed to write to the majority of the 10 children, giving the correct phone number to RSVP. We are hosting the party at home. I am starting to think this is madness with the house still not finished.

And of course there is Christmas. I have been in a Christmas denial mode up to this week but can no longer pretend it ain't happening. A house with plaster stuck to floors and furniture piled up high in all available spaces does not promote a festive Hygge feeling. I am starting to resent all the Hygge stuff (but remember, I am a grumpy woman). Looking into other people's houses as I rush home to collect children from childcare or walk them to activities shows a lot of loveliness in many houses, festive decorations, pretty lights, smiling people and more. I  can almost smell the dinners walking past. Dear friends, close your curtains so we, the unprepared, do not feel green with envy.

And so it goes...

Deep breath. Refocus.

Luckily in the dark sludge that is my bad overall mood, there are small shining diamonds of happiness:

::  Enjoying a meal with my lovely girl friends on Tuesday and then go to a gig afterwards. We went to the see The Julie Ruin if you are interested. It was fun. It was also my second gig in five days. The other one was the Pixies.

::  At said meal, not regretting my choice of food. I usually order the 'wrong' food. We went to the vegan CCA on Sauchiehall Street. The food was amazing and I'd go back any day.

::  Cycling along the canal for the first time in a while and being greeted by the old man who is always there with 'Hello stranger, it's good to see you, where have you been these past few weeks?'. This put a smile on my face on Thursday.

:: Alistair climbing onto my lap, telling me that he really really loves me.  And Alistair running back up the front steps to give me one last hug before going to school. The other three children don't seem to share his feelings, or don't care to show it.

:: Listening to my current audiobook, it is a wonderful story and I enjoy every minute of it. It is called 'All the light we cannot see' by Anthony Doerr.

:: Seeing the floor going down in the extension. I am starting to feel exited about having the house to ourselves again!

I hope I haven't darkened your moods my dear friends. I'll resume my normal cheerful service soon. In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful weekend. xx